“...emerging at the end carrying Ben’s homemade cream cheese with scallions and Tanenbaum’s fresh pumpernickel bagels, both of which would be combined with my Russ & Daughters’ Nova Scotia to create the single perfect Nova Scotia and cream cheese on bagel available in today’s depleted market.”-Calvin TrillinI’ve always wanted to recreate Calvin Trillin’s Lower East Side Sunday morning ritual. Jewish food just interests me, I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s because my knowledge about the cuisine stops at lox, but I think it’s really because I’ve listened to Jewish friends vehemently complaining about Gefilte fish and other oddities they were forced to wolf down at Passover dinners. Either way, I was going to be on Houston Street to complete a Craigslist purchase on Saturday morning and decided it was the perfect opportunity to nosh.Unfortunately for me, Tanebaum’s and Ben’s are closed. I know that Ben’s Dairy was turned into Ben’s Cheese Shop, but all I could find about this store was a loving homage in a 1989 article in the New York Times. Yonah Schimmel is still in town selling potato kinnishes, and Katz Deli still whips up tons of pastrami and corned beef sandwiches, but it was 10 in the morning and I wanted some breakfast. 
I wandered into Russ & Daughter’s around 10:15 and was greeted by a surly Asian man in front of the bagel display, a fellow named Jose behind the smoked salmon and two older Jewish women bickering about someone who was in the store earlier. I couldn’t tell if they were happy with the customer or upset, but they were arguing with purpose. There were a few other employees running around in the back but I wasn’t able to get a glimpse before the bagel man started hounding me for an order. Looking around, I realized there were only two other people in the store but the impeccably dressed counter man was insistent that I get my food immediately. Three blazingly quick minutes later I was out the door with a $12 scallion cream cheese and smoked salmon on a poppy seed bagel sandwich. I made my way over to a nearby park, sat down on an empty bench and opened up a thing of beauty. Perhaps I should delve into Jewish cuisine a bit more to discover what it’s all about. Maybe then I can complain about Gefilte fish too.
...I got the best tip ever!
Dear restaurant goers, please continue to tip your waiters with a nice bottle of wine in addition to a fat hunk of cash.
Food makes people…funny. After waiting for a little while, I’ve come to realize that not everyone who sits down to eat will be cheerful, happy, nice, polite, honest or (one I’ve just encountered) not a thief! People get very, very angry if their plates come out a second earlier or later than when they expect them. One woman even threatened to sue because the pepper she ate had vinegar on it. Que Ridiculous. On Sunday I worked a double shift, so I got to see the restaurant in all its chaotic glory from opening to close. It’s a long day, but it isn’t anything too terrible; drink a few cups of coffee, have a glass of water now and then and everything will be fine. I had a few cheap tippers, but nothing really worked me up until this man showed up.
Not only did this seemingly charming old man spend over an hour at the table, slowly nursing a veal platter with his wife, but also he left without signing for his credit card and successfully stole my pen. After chasing his hobbling body outside to get his John Hancock I returned to my station to realize that my pen was gone. I will be on the look out for this shady character from now on.
As of today, the fourth of July, I have officially been a waiter for one week. After three days of training I swindled my way into getting a solo dinner shift last Thursday and have since been presenting diners with giant plates of pasta in return for big wads of cash. I should have gotten into this earlier.Although I would much rather end up in the kitchen than in the front of the house, coming home every night with cash in your pocket it a great feeling. Also, there is absolutely no way I could survive in a professional kitchen right now; it is absolutely insane in there during the rush. However, despite the heat, puddles of sauces and frantic, Spanish chaos, I linger in the kitchen whenever I have the chance. As an added bonus, I’ve ended up making a few friends. A few of the guys invited me out to play futbol with them this morning at 8am in the local park. Although none of them ever showed up—bromas, bromas!—I am still flattered. ¡Oye!I found this article pretty interesting. Times critic Frank Bruni took a week to turn the tables and spend time serving critical old cranks instead of being one. Use it as a reminder to tip those folks taking care of you in the service industry.
